That’s what started it all off a few months ago. It sounds scary right, like my whole mouth was just going to collapse in on itself. The only way to prevent total mouth implosion: Braces.
After two months of some sort of plastic and wire device that worked like a rack for my teeth, I was ready for the big guns. There’d be some pain, the dentist told me. I should be prepared for about a week of extreme discomfort.
Ha! Discomfort. Nothing I couldn’t handle, I thought. My pain threshold is huge. I’d given birth to three kids without any pain killers. I was tough, right. Tough.
OhsweetmercifulgentlesufferingmotherofM o s e s…
I failed to take two things into account:
1) With childbirth there was an end in sight. A few hours tops. And…2) It didn’t happen in my mouth.
Having the braces put on was just the start of it. Two hours of scrape, scrape, dab, dab, pluck, pull, push, thunk, whirr, whoosh, yank...I didn’t think there’d be a tooth left in my head to put anything on. But finally they were done, and the real fun began.It looks like a torture device in my mouth, and feels like it too. I swear if you asked me to talk right now I’d spill all my dirty secrets. Just show me the pliers and promise me you’ll use them to rip these things out of my mouth once I’m done.
I went out to the bus stop with the kids this morning and took just one breath of frosty cold air when panic set in. What if my lips froze to my teeth? I’d be like that kid in A Christmas Story, only the pole wasn’t permanently attached to him. I’d be rescued by the fire department only to find myself stuck again on the next breath.
I guess it won’t be so bad. The pain will ease off. Eventually. I hope. In the end my teeth will look good, and my jaw won’t fall off, so that’s something. Also, they make me look younger. Much younger. All I need is a few Justin Beiber posters on my wall to complete the transformation into an eighth grader.
In the meantime, I’m amusing myself by pretending to be the mouth of Sauron, and scaring the neighbourhood children with my grin.
I don’t think I can go a year and a half without laughing, so just make sure you don’t look directly into my face when I do. If you thought my smile was dazzling before, you should see it now, especially in a bright light.